10.26.2007 | 9:32 p.m.
Lots of things
So, I haven't seen my Dad in four years now. Horrible. However, I dread the day I do see him only because I am afraid that he won't like me -- how I look, act, behave. I want him to accept me as I am and not worry about anything else. I don't know if that is how it will happen.
He has a new girlfriend. I really love Janice (his old one) and if he broke up with her he made a mistake. She was wonderful and so good for him. I am really going to miss her. Well, if I go to Ohio I hope I get to see her. Her mother died a couple years ago, and she had to start taking care of her mentally retarded brother, Roger. He is quite the handful even though he is in his forties.
I wonder what happened between them and how he moved on so fast.
I really liked her. She was a good friend to me.
So, now I have to like this new girlfriend. I hope she is nice.
I miss his first girlfriend too, Lori. I liked her a lot, she had some emotional problems... but she was a beautiful woman because of all she had been through and her strength.
I am beginning to relax. I think it is because I am finally writing this all down and I am thinking about something other that school work.
Today we registered for next semesters classes. I am slightly excited.
This semester is kicking my butt, I am taking:
Greek
Acts of the Apostles
First Year Seminar (Mentoring Freshmen)
Women in Church History
Intro to Christian Theology
Intro to Visusl Arts
Recreation Games
Women's Choir
(19 credits)
I love my classes but they are soooo hard. (except Rec. Games)Next semester is going to be mildy nuts, too, I am taking:
Writing & Research
Intro to Literature
Greek
The Pentatuech
Pastoral Care in Ministry
Fundamentals of Psy Ed
Intro to Biblical Exegesis
(17 credits)
I looks scarier on my schedule. It will be easier than this semester.
I am hoping that if not this year I will be able to see my dad next year or so.
Pray about it with me/ for me.
A girl in my suite is struggling with an eating disorder... I am nervous for her. She stuggling with Bilimia. It is killing me seeing her like this. She pigs out at dinner on crap food, so everyone think she is eating, and then comes back to the dorm and throws it up. She is falling a lot because of her dizzyness. On Thursday she has an intake appointment for outpatient rehab. I want to see her get better so badly. For her it is about attention and control. Since she is struggling with this she is getting all our attention and she is controling herself-- something she has never been able to do before.... she feels like she has no power over her life.
Pray for her with me.
Anyways... I feel helpless because I can't help her more. All of her talk about how she looks is making me feel insecure and unsatisfied with my apperance. I can't hang out with people like this they affect me so much.
Pray tonight if you read this. Not nessecarily for me or anything else in this journal but because you can meet with God in prayer.
I love you Lord. When I said my life was yours I meant it and I don't intend on taking it back. I intend to spend everyday living for you.
I have been in the Word more recently but I haven't been feeling much diference. I am more in tune with my sins. But I am not hearing God's voice. I am learning so much this semester. It is making me realize the perfecting in God's plans. How he guiding everything to work out in such a way that we my be saved. I love that about our God. He made salvation easier to embrace. The life of a Christ follower is still hard to live out but so is any moral life.
Adios
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